Coding, Managing and Christianity

A half-empty glass kind of guy

We had a very nice weekend and spent almost a full day on Saturday as a family together, which is not that common any more since our son left for college. We have somewhat of a tradition to either drive up or down between Portsmouth, NH to Cape Elizabeth, ME. Along the way we do some Antique shopping and have a lobster at Two Lights point on Cape Elizabeth. The week leading up to it and also on the way I made several jokes (at least I think they are funny) that point out or play on the negative in that moment. My wife pointed it out and it reminded me of a situation a while ago, where my boss commented on one of those jokes “You are a glass-half-empty kind of guy, aren’t you?". It bothered me, because he was right.

Part of it is cynicism on my part. I think I’m doing a bit better with that ugly habit, but it is still there and I have to fight it. The other aspect is in a way a vain attempt to be in control of the situation, because by pointing it out, I can at least say I knew it would happen. That raises the question how much this habit contributes to a negative outcome potentially happening? In all ball sports the ball goes where the eyes go. I believe the same is the case for us. If we focus our thoughts on the potentially negative outcomes, they will manifest themselves. The same is true for the opposite, if I envision a positive outcome and its benefit, it is far more likely to happen.

For example we are doing a long term project at work to break our monolithic, single tenant product up into micro-services. I can focus on the downsides, like the increased risk of regressions or the extra time it costs to develop a new feature as a micro-service instead of just adding it to the monolith. If I just do that, I will do nothing and just keep on maintaining the old. Or, I can picture a better new world

• where changes are local to one micro-service and don’t have unforeseen side effects,
• where one install results in all customers having the new code,
• where one install takes place automatically as soon as we merge into the master branch,
• where a new feature is done quickly in the most suitable technology, and so on.

That I find motivating.

Back to my attempts to control the situation or the outcome. I tend to have better days, when I take enough time in the morning to read God’s word and maybe some other book, as well as spending some time in prayer. During the week I manage it (mostly, not always!) by not going to bed too late and getting up earlier (~4:30 these days) to get about 40 minutes of time for reading and praying. On days off I enjoy doing the same without having to watch the clock and just spend as much time as I like. Of course that doesn’t always work. Yesterday it didn’t and I was not happy about it. Actually, I was frustrated about myself for not being disciplined enough to get up earlier. Talking about the frustration made me realize that it was another situation where I try to control the situation to achieve a certain outcome like “Getting up early -> enough time for reading & prayer -> good day”. What I am missing is relying on and trusting God. There is no guarantee that it will be a good day if I have a long quiet time. However, when I give it in His hands, I can just let it go. He has it and even a bad day will turn out ok.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30)